If the three of you found yourselves together in the same room, it would probably be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. Your friend might even change their mind when they actually see you together, even though they thought they’d be fine with it. Do think about the relationship your friend had with them. Was this a casual 3 month stint or was this something where years and years were invested? As a rule of thumb anything under 6 months is most likely open for discussion but 6 months plus requires more thought and consideration of whether it’s even worth opening this can of worms.
So, before moving forward to understand the reasons and rules of dating this best friend of an ex-partner, I want my readers to ask themselves WHY. Nevertheless, it’s conceivable that your ex is interested in dating your buddy as a means of being closer to you or to reignite your long-dormant relationship. This is typically dependent on the circumstances and whether or not their emotions for your buddy are real on both sides of the equation. While it is fairly unusual for friends to begin dating the ex-partner of another friend, particularly in smaller friendship groupings, it is not recommended. It’s usually only OK for your pal to date your ex if you and your ex are on the same page and willing to tolerate this new relationship.
Do follow your heart.
You are only messing things up for yourself and that is not the right way to stride out of a past breakup. While in a relationship with your ex’s best friend, do not only keep talking about him/her every now and then. This often pinning up can make your partner insecure and plant seeds of doubt and misunderstandings. This has the potential to not only disbalance your new fresh start with this relationship, but also mess up their friendship.
When he created the controversial attraction techniques that he now teaches here at The Modern Man, beautiful women began flooding into his life and wanting to be with him. “There is always a small chance that your friend and your ex were meant to live happily ever after together,” Kushnick says. “This situation can only be verified SeekingArrangement in hindsight. If this turns out to be the case, then maybe you can strive to forgive and actually root for them to succeed.” If your friend knows how much your ex meant to you, and wouldn’t want you doing that to them, it could’ve been a careless, thoughtless mistake. Keep reading for the signs you should stay away from him.
Your buddy must be confronted with your thoughts about the issue, and they must be given an opportunity to explain what is happening to you. A good friend will always tell you the truth about what is going on in their life. This is especially true if you still have emotions for your ex or still adore them, and you have made it apparent to your buddy that you still do so.
Is It Wrong To Date Your Ex’s Best Friend? Perhaps…
When deciding whether or not to date your friend’s ex, there are many factors to consider. In order to appraise the scenario, you must rely on your own judgment. In addition, you should be aware that dating them may make things more difficult in your relationship with them. Your buddy may say things like “I’m cool with you dating,” but in fact they are not at all happy with it. While it’s generally OK for your buddy to date your ex, particularly if you and your ex ended up on good terms or just grew apart, there are certain exceptions. It might be an issue if you are personally dissatisfied with it and your buddy is well aware of your feelings about it.
Do maintain both relationships.
A tough question but you really need to know the answer. There appears to be an “unspoken” rule or “girl code” when it comes to dating a friend’s ex. As Certified Relationship Coaches, we often get an inbox on our website asking us for the politically correct answer, what are the rules? Is it ok if you met your friend’s ex a certain number of years after the initial relationship or is it just completely off limits for life? We feel the rules may vary and each situation is different but here is a guideline that may help you determine if it’s safe to proceed.
Do give it some time.
Pay attention to the words your buddy is saying and make a decision based on all that is going on. Rather than just being left in the dark, by listening to them and hearing the whole story, you will have a lot better chance of dealing. It is not about pointing the finger of blame or getting into a heated debate.
Please let me know what you think in the comment section below and be sure to share. As for how, exactly, to go about making the friend’s-ex-fantasy thing a reality in the most considerate and respectful way possible, Dr. Twist recommends that you talk to your friend first. Remind them how much you value them and their friendship and do not want to see them hurt. Then let them know you’re interested in their ex and, if it is pursued, ask how it would affect them. What would the rules, roles, and boundaries look like?
Getting the latter response doesn’t mean you’re romantically sunk; it just means that you have to evaluate which relationship means more to you. “It’s your choice as to how you proceed,” Dr. O’Reilly says. And if your friend’s prerogative is a them-or-me ultimatum, you need to respect that too. In reality, girls hate to look like they are desperate for love, so your friend will lie. They will forever stand in one code and cry like Niagra Falls in the other.
