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7 Signs Your Emotional Baggage Is Eroding Your Current Relationship By Karen Nimmo On The Couch

By April 23, 2023No Comments

For one, remind yourself to be gentle, yet honest; judge less, love more and practice patience. Be present and listen when your partner needs to talk, and also back off with ample statements of love and security. Discourse with your partner with confidence and gentleness while being truthful.

“If your parent left you when you were a kid, you may be sensitive to feeling abandoned by your partner,” Chlipala says. “If your sibling got more attention than you, having attention or validation from your partner may be important.” When we hear those messages, they become the default setting we will use when similar events happen later in our lives. When romantic relationships end, we will automatically believe we shouldn’t feel bad and we should go right out and find another love. Because those messages have been pounded into us since we were in preschool. Trying not to feel bad when we do inevitably compounds the problem since it doesn’t allow us to be honest with ourselves.

Moreover, when you treat people like they’re a suspect, they’ll starting acting like one. And if you happen to find a great person, you’ll only sabotage your chances at a fulfilling relationship with them. Someone who is secure and mature won’t tolerate unnecessary drama. An inevitable consequence of love and lust is emotional pain along the way.

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She clearly has a traumatic past with sex and things should be taken slower … the passionate sex isn’t a perk for you it’s directly tied to the emotional breakdowns. There have been multiple dates with a similar pattern. Great time, sudden mood change with crying and emotional outbursts, followed by passionate sex. She’s all the things we want her to be — sweet, honest, pretty, wholesome, and, hidden under a shroud of good manners, dirty and sexual. Therapists say their clients describe feeling physically weighted down by feelings — like they are wearing a heavy backpack. Typically, going through a trauma of some kind is not the individual’s fault.

Most people carry some kind of wound from their past. “Baggage” is a part of life—the natural reaction to heartbreak, loss, trauma, and abuse. But baggage doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship is destined for catastrophe—if you deal with it in a healthy way. In addition, acknowledge and accept your partners vulnerabilities without overcompensating.

Emotional baggage can be described as pain, anxiety, sadness, or anger because of past emotional problems. To see what you’ve done, and how you’ve done it, it’s essential that you identify the basic ideas you acquired for dealing with the emotions connected to losses of every kind. It’s important to acquire this awareness so you can identify and dump the emotional baggage you have dragged with you. Emotional baggage refers to negative emotions we might be going through due to past experiences but we must overcome them to grow and attain mental peace. The habit of constantly using other people or even an ex-partner as your standard in a relationship against which you assess your new partner will definitely frustrate the person. Social media is a large connection of friends and family both near and far.

When I got into my office there’s a huge ceiling to floor mirror next to the escalator and I remember catching myself in the mirror. My eyes were sunken in, my hair was barely brushed, I was hunched over and pale with yellow undertones to my skin. I have heavy trauma including CSA and heavy abuse history. I recently said to a partner, about myself but also about them, “there’s therapy and then there’s THERAPY”.

The people who value and respect you will invest in making the relationship flourish. And for those who don’t, you’ll find out soon enough and can move onto someone else who does. Your unrealistic expectations and mind games will overwhelm a potential partner. You will scare away the people you’re so desperately trying to keep. So when you push your emotional baggage onto others, you attract people who often struggle with those same issues. When I was a teenager, I was terrified my girlfriend at the time would leave me or cheat on me.

When you feel happy and ready for the next phase in life, go ahead and enter a new relationship, but take caution that this person is not like your ex. More than just negative self-talk, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a real anxiety-related mental health disorder. After experiencing an incredibly traumatic event, a person can be essentially haunted by that trauma.

How to notice signs of emotional baggage

Usually, this means that someone is carrying around anything that is possibly keeping them from entering a healthy relationship. Some people have children or messy divorces that may prevent them from having new, strong relationships with others. Many people can get over another person’s issues and love them completely. You may have determined that the special someone you are dating just can’t get past the hurt that they have experienced in their previous relationships.

Then something shifts, and from that point forward, only joy and laughter are encouraged. Sadness and tears are no longer part of the equation. If you are out of a relationship and you find it difficult to connect with your new partner instead, you constantly compare your present relationship with the former, you probably have emotional baggage.

“You probably feel like something is missing, as if there’s a barrier to getting to know this person,” says Bingham. Navigating relationships is about understanding the influences others have on you in your relationships. Sometimes it is the “baggage” you bring to the relationship, sometimes it is the “baggage” your new partner brings to the relationship.


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